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Dear Vic:

Thank you for your recent email about your wedding. First of all, congratulations! I am flattered that you ve asked me to participate. However, I can only hope and pray that when you asked me to be your “beast man” that this was a horrible typographical error.

Lycanthropy is no joke. Your wedding is taking place on the night of a full moon. While I do not turn into, technically, a beastman, I do turn into a wolfman, as you very well know. Out of respect, I think you could at least call me by the right monster name.

I would be pleased to participate in your wedding, but we’ll have to reach a few compromises. For my part, I will not stand for any cracks about my appearance or my sickness (because it is a sickness). You, on the other hand, will have to tolerate some mauled guests, probably mostly children and pets.

Again congratulations.

Danno