Louis Pasteur, Famous French Scientist, 1822-1895
Noticed body is covered with "dirt." Unpleasant.
16 Jan.
When I don new clothes, this “dirt” is transferred to them--thus soiling the clothes.
17 Jan.
If dirt can be transferred to clothing, could it not be removed from the body in some other way? Or is clothing key?
18 Jan.
Experiments underway. Instead of clothing, have covered myself with wood. Tomorrow I will know if wood will rub off the dirt.
19 Jan.
Failure. Upon removing wood, I found that not only was I still “dirty,” but that I had splinters in several embarrassing spots.
2 Feb.
Have decided to cover myself with tomato juice in attempt to remove dirt. Have ordered two barrels-full from Vienna.
12 Feb.
Success! By “laving” my body in tomato juice, I have succeeded in removing all dirt from my body. Unfortunately, I am now covered with tomato juice. I feel I am very close to a breakthrough.
13 Feb.
Encroyable! Remaining tomato juice on body actually attracts dirt. Still, feel that liquid, in some form, is essential.
4 March
I hesitate to be certain, but I believe I am finally "clean." I used plain water and a device I call the "washcloth" to wipe all surface pollutants away. I feel fresh and invigorated. The final test will be to try on new clothes.
4 March
(Evening) Dressed for dinner in new shirt, collar, and coat. Received many comments on "something different." Later I excitedly undressed in my laboratory and upon examination, my clothing was still clean!
6 June
Though I feel my washing system is a success, am experimenting with something I found in the maid's pantry. She calls it "soap."
8 July
Mother tells me people have been washing with soap and water for years and why wouldn't I listen to her before? I am despondent for I've already printed posters for the lecture tour. Regardless, I am happy to be clean, and I think right now I'll go ponder future experiments over a glass of milk.
What the Stars Mean
The Night Sky.
For millennia, man has looked—and marveled. Read on so that you,
too, may learn to see what they saw.
Pleiades, or The Sisters:
A cluster of stars in the constellation Taurus, usually known as
the Seven Sisters. The Seven Sisters are visible to the naked eye.
However, using a powerful telescope, they are actually visible
naked. This makes them one of the more popular star sightings, and
the only one that charges 25 cents for two minutes.
Pleiades on a Saturday Night with Only One Bathroom they have to
Share:
In this constellation, the seven sisters seem to squabble. The
“Bathroom” (which many astronomers believe should be considered a
separate constellation), isn’t big enough to contain them all. The
three stars that make up the “Curling Iron” complete the
constellation.
The Pajamas of Bo Didley:
The gaseous clouds that surround this pajama-shaped constellation
cause its stars to appear to “twinkle.” This is not unusual, except
that the twinkling seems to occur in the rhythmic “hand jive”
rhythm made famous by popular entertainer Bo Didley. Legend is that
sailors of ancient times used the Pajamas of Bo Didley to answer
questions like “What is my longitude?” “What is my latitude?” and
“Who do you love?”
The Huge Fireworks Display Constellation:
Oh, wait, that’s not a constellation. It’s a huge fireworks
display. After a while, one bright thing in the sky looks pretty
much like another.
The Sun:
The Sun is an unusual constellation in that it’s made of only one
star. It is also the only constellation visible in the day
time.
The Evolution of Evolution
Darwin was too busy having fun with the fauna of the Galapagos Islands to notice the miracle on his own ship.
Tomlinson continued to evolve, losing his long prehensile tail, which he served poached in light wine sauce, and eventually, developing an opposable thumb, which allowed him to finally grasp a spatula. And Darwin did notice. His diary for that night read, “Dinner tonight unusually good--for the first time, cooked on both sides!”
By the time Darwin’s ship returned to England, Tomlinson had evolved into a glowing ball of pure intelligence--just perfect, it turned out, for braising pork on a spit, just the way Darwin liked.
Although Tomlinson has long since moved on to another plane, the London restaurant he founded, The Ape and Man, still exists. The fish legs are especially good, and if you’re feeling brave, order the spicy hot missing links.