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The Louis of France and How to Tell Them Apart
Louis X
The first of all the Louis, despite his moniker “the Tenth.”
In the days before Roman numerals were commonly understood, he was frequently referred to as Louis the Xth. Louis is given credit for joining the feuding city-states of Medieval France into a profitable chain of roadside convenience stops, and also for enlarging the number of things French people could refer to, by creating the masculine article, le.
Louis X sired two sons, Louis XI and Louis XI.5, who, in a terrible incident indicative of the education levels of the time, mistook the name cards at the table for the menus; they ordered each other and had completely devoured themselves before anyone realized the “gaffe.”
Louis XII
Known affectionately as Louis the Twelfth, except in French, of course. Louis as a boy already adopted a regal bearing. But he was forced to return it to the woodlands when it became listless in captivity and refused to eat. Always posterity-minded, Louis had built several sets of ruins to trick future historians. He is best remembered today for just treatment of the peasants (Ray and Clara Peasant, his brother and sister-in-law), curbing the excesses of the nobles (Clark and Langston Noble, proprietors of “Friendly Pawn”), and the twenty-six pound wide-mouth bass he caught at Lake Pomme de Terre in April, 1166.
Louis XIII
King of France, although not a Frenchman. He was in fact an Englishman with a penchant for croissants, and just got carried away. Louis was a good and wise king, much loved by his adoptive people, yet some aspects of the monarchy eluded him, partly due to the fact that he never learned the French language. As a boy, the term dauphin referring to the current King’s brother (and heir to the throne), was mistaken by the young Louis as dolphin, and he spent several formative years trying to find a surgeon who would implant a blowhole and a dorsal fin. No easy task considering the level of medical knowledge of the time!
Louis XIV
The famous “Sun King.” Louis began wielding supreme executive power at the tender age of twelve, which caused many of the French to confuse him with “Louis the Twelfth,” except in French, of course. Young Louis was present when his father, Louis XIII, had a sudden attack of some sort and stopped breathing. The boy attempted artificial blowhole to blowhole resuscitation, but it was too late. Well-respected by history for the transaction known to the French as The Louisiana Sale.
Louis Armstrong
Best known for ending France’s bloody war with Spain, bringing to an end the corrupt power of Cardinal Richlieu, saving the flagging economy of the nation, and the trumpet breaks on Back o’ Town Blues. Married Marie Antoinette after Louis XV, and, unfortunately, after she had been beheaded. Lost popularity when it was revealed that Bunny Berrigan had played trumpet on Back o’ Town Blues.
Louis XXIII
Just a guy. Not well known at all. Wears a crown, but who doesn’t these days? Holds court on Thursdays, but etiquette is noticeably lax.
The first of all the Louis, despite his moniker “the Tenth.”
In the days before Roman numerals were commonly understood, he was frequently referred to as Louis the Xth. Louis is given credit for joining the feuding city-states of Medieval France into a profitable chain of roadside convenience stops, and also for enlarging the number of things French people could refer to, by creating the masculine article, le.
Louis X sired two sons, Louis XI and Louis XI.5, who, in a terrible incident indicative of the education levels of the time, mistook the name cards at the table for the menus; they ordered each other and had completely devoured themselves before anyone realized the “gaffe.”
Known affectionately as Louis the Twelfth, except in French, of course. Louis as a boy already adopted a regal bearing. But he was forced to return it to the woodlands when it became listless in captivity and refused to eat. Always posterity-minded, Louis had built several sets of ruins to trick future historians. He is best remembered today for just treatment of the peasants (Ray and Clara Peasant, his brother and sister-in-law), curbing the excesses of the nobles (Clark and Langston Noble, proprietors of “Friendly Pawn”), and the twenty-six pound wide-mouth bass he caught at Lake Pomme de Terre in April, 1166.
Louis XIII
King of France, although not a Frenchman. He was in fact an Englishman with a penchant for croissants, and just got carried away. Louis was a good and wise king, much loved by his adoptive people, yet some aspects of the monarchy eluded him, partly due to the fact that he never learned the French language. As a boy, the term dauphin referring to the current King’s brother (and heir to the throne), was mistaken by the young Louis as dolphin, and he spent several formative years trying to find a surgeon who would implant a blowhole and a dorsal fin. No easy task considering the level of medical knowledge of the time!
The famous “Sun King.” Louis began wielding supreme executive power at the tender age of twelve, which caused many of the French to confuse him with “Louis the Twelfth,” except in French, of course. Young Louis was present when his father, Louis XIII, had a sudden attack of some sort and stopped breathing. The boy attempted artificial blowhole to blowhole resuscitation, but it was too late. Well-respected by history for the transaction known to the French as The Louisiana Sale.
Louis Armstrong
Best known for ending France’s bloody war with Spain, bringing to an end the corrupt power of Cardinal Richlieu, saving the flagging economy of the nation, and the trumpet breaks on Back o’ Town Blues. Married Marie Antoinette after Louis XV, and, unfortunately, after she had been beheaded. Lost popularity when it was revealed that Bunny Berrigan had played trumpet on Back o’ Town Blues.
Louis XXIII
Just a guy. Not well known at all. Wears a crown, but who doesn’t these days? Holds court on Thursdays, but etiquette is noticeably lax.
Post Office, the
It is common knowledge that
Benjamin Franklin invented the post office when he
one day spilled acid on his lap and ordered a comforting poultice
for delivery from his assistant in the next room. Watson
promptly mailed the item but Franklin was unable
to sign for delivery since his torso was, at the moment, on
fire.
Franklin was able to look back on the event with his usual good humor, noting in his famous brass and ivory diary: "My lappe is now most singed and indeed it would not surprise me to know that my most intimate friends should call me 'Old Singed Lappe.'"
Many of Franklin's friends did; though some misunderstood "singed" to be the past tense of "sing" and took to calling him "Old Sung Lap" instead, thinking the verb more correct. (See also: Sunglap Family of Boston).
In its earliest carnation, the Post Office was more than just a place to send or receive lap poultices. It was a meeting spot, a place to see and be seen, to hear and be heard, and, in the case of our nation's earliest psychics, to sense and be sensed.
It was these psychics who had the most to lose if the post office was a success--after all, why pay someone for telepathic communications when you could just send a letter?
This fear of competition led indirectly to the French and Indian and Psychic War of 1767, which, oddly, was more than twenty years before the invention of the Post Office, thus proving, claimed the Psychics, that the French and Indians really could foretell the future, just as the Psychics had predicted they would be able to nearly twenty years earlier.
Franklin was able to look back on the event with his usual good humor, noting in his famous brass and ivory diary: "My lappe is now most singed and indeed it would not surprise me to know that my most intimate friends should call me 'Old Singed Lappe.'"
Many of Franklin's friends did; though some misunderstood "singed" to be the past tense of "sing" and took to calling him "Old Sung Lap" instead, thinking the verb more correct. (See also: Sunglap Family of Boston).
In its earliest carnation, the Post Office was more than just a place to send or receive lap poultices. It was a meeting spot, a place to see and be seen, to hear and be heard, and, in the case of our nation's earliest psychics, to sense and be sensed.
It was these psychics who had the most to lose if the post office was a success--after all, why pay someone for telepathic communications when you could just send a letter?
This fear of competition led indirectly to the French and Indian and Psychic War of 1767, which, oddly, was more than twenty years before the invention of the Post Office, thus proving, claimed the Psychics, that the French and Indians really could foretell the future, just as the Psychics had predicted they would be able to nearly twenty years earlier.
Louis Pasteur, Famous French Scientist, 1822-1895
12 Jan.
Noticed body is covered with "dirt." Unpleasant.
16 Jan.
When I don new clothes, this “dirt” is transferred to them--thus soiling the clothes.
17 Jan.
If dirt can be transferred to clothing, could it not be removed from the body in some other way? Or is clothing key?
18 Jan.
Experiments underway. Instead of clothing, have covered myself with wood. Tomorrow I will know if wood will rub off the dirt.
19 Jan.
Failure. Upon removing wood, I found that not only was I still “dirty,” but that I had splinters in several embarrassing spots.
2 Feb.
Have decided to cover myself with tomato juice in attempt to remove dirt. Have ordered two barrels-full from Vienna.
12 Feb.
Success! By “laving” my body in tomato juice, I have succeeded in removing all dirt from my body. Unfortunately, I am now covered with tomato juice. I feel I am very close to a breakthrough.
13 Feb.
Encroyable! Remaining tomato juice on body actually attracts dirt. Still, feel that liquid, in some form, is essential.
4 March
I hesitate to be certain, but I believe I am finally "clean." I used plain water and a device I call the "washcloth" to wipe all surface pollutants away. I feel fresh and invigorated. The final test will be to try on new clothes.
4 March
(Evening) Dressed for dinner in new shirt, collar, and coat. Received many comments on "something different." Later I excitedly undressed in my laboratory and upon examination, my clothing was still clean!
6 June
Though I feel my washing system is a success, am experimenting with something I found in the maid's pantry. She calls it "soap."
8 July
Mother tells me people have been washing with soap and water for years and why wouldn't I listen to her before? I am despondent for I've already printed posters for the lecture tour. Regardless, I am happy to be clean, and I think right now I'll go ponder future experiments over a glass of milk.
Noticed body is covered with "dirt." Unpleasant.
16 Jan.
When I don new clothes, this “dirt” is transferred to them--thus soiling the clothes.
17 Jan.
If dirt can be transferred to clothing, could it not be removed from the body in some other way? Or is clothing key?
18 Jan.
Experiments underway. Instead of clothing, have covered myself with wood. Tomorrow I will know if wood will rub off the dirt.
19 Jan.
Failure. Upon removing wood, I found that not only was I still “dirty,” but that I had splinters in several embarrassing spots.
2 Feb.
Have decided to cover myself with tomato juice in attempt to remove dirt. Have ordered two barrels-full from Vienna.
12 Feb.
Success! By “laving” my body in tomato juice, I have succeeded in removing all dirt from my body. Unfortunately, I am now covered with tomato juice. I feel I am very close to a breakthrough.
13 Feb.
Encroyable! Remaining tomato juice on body actually attracts dirt. Still, feel that liquid, in some form, is essential.
4 March
I hesitate to be certain, but I believe I am finally "clean." I used plain water and a device I call the "washcloth" to wipe all surface pollutants away. I feel fresh and invigorated. The final test will be to try on new clothes.
4 March
(Evening) Dressed for dinner in new shirt, collar, and coat. Received many comments on "something different." Later I excitedly undressed in my laboratory and upon examination, my clothing was still clean!
6 June
Though I feel my washing system is a success, am experimenting with something I found in the maid's pantry. She calls it "soap."
8 July
Mother tells me people have been washing with soap and water for years and why wouldn't I listen to her before? I am despondent for I've already printed posters for the lecture tour. Regardless, I am happy to be clean, and I think right now I'll go ponder future experiments over a glass of milk.
Celsius vs. Fahrenheit, a video to watch
Back in the
olden days, your InAccuFacts researcher belonged to a group of
researchers called Houseful of Honkeys. We made several short
videos in the course of our live, performed encylopedia, but this
was the only one with content that meets the InAccuFacts criteria
of being almost totally inaccurate.
What the Stars Mean
The Night Sky.
For millennia, man has looked—and marveled. Read on so that you,
too, may learn to see what they saw.
Pleiades, or The Sisters:
A cluster of stars in the constellation Taurus, usually known as
the Seven Sisters. The Seven Sisters are visible to the naked eye.
However, using a powerful telescope, they are actually visible
naked. This makes them one of the more popular star sightings, and
the only one that charges 25 cents for two minutes.
Pleiades on a Saturday Night with Only One Bathroom they have to
Share:
In this constellation, the seven sisters seem to squabble. The
“Bathroom” (which many astronomers believe should be considered a
separate constellation), isn’t big enough to contain them all. The
three stars that make up the “Curling Iron” complete the
constellation.
The Pajamas of Bo Didley:
The gaseous clouds that surround this pajama-shaped constellation
cause its stars to appear to “twinkle.” This is not unusual, except
that the twinkling seems to occur in the rhythmic “hand jive”
rhythm made famous by popular entertainer Bo Didley. Legend is that
sailors of ancient times used the Pajamas of Bo Didley to answer
questions like “What is my longitude?” “What is my latitude?” and
“Who do you love?”
The Huge Fireworks Display Constellation:
Oh, wait, that’s not a constellation. It’s a huge fireworks
display. After a while, one bright thing in the sky looks pretty
much like another.
The Sun:
The Sun is an unusual constellation in that it’s made of only one
star. It is also the only constellation visible in the day
time.
The Evolution of Evolution
21 February 2007 Filed in:
Science and
Technology | Homework
Helper!
While sailing with Darwin on his
famous Discovery of Evolution trip, kitchen worker, Bill Tomlinson,
actually evolved. It was gradual at first; he evolved from
assistant cook to cook when the original cook came down with
malaria.
Darwin was too busy having fun with the fauna of the Galapagos Islands to notice the miracle on his own ship.
Tomlinson continued to evolve, losing his long prehensile tail, which he served poached in light wine sauce, and eventually, developing an opposable thumb, which allowed him to finally grasp a spatula. And Darwin did notice. His diary for that night read, “Dinner tonight unusually good--for the first time, cooked on both sides!”
By the time Darwin’s ship returned to England, Tomlinson had evolved into a glowing ball of pure intelligence--just perfect, it turned out, for braising pork on a spit, just the way Darwin liked.
Although Tomlinson has long since moved on to another plane, the London restaurant he founded, The Ape and Man, still exists. The fish legs are especially good, and if you’re feeling brave, order the spicy hot missing links.
Darwin was too busy having fun with the fauna of the Galapagos Islands to notice the miracle on his own ship.
Tomlinson continued to evolve, losing his long prehensile tail, which he served poached in light wine sauce, and eventually, developing an opposable thumb, which allowed him to finally grasp a spatula. And Darwin did notice. His diary for that night read, “Dinner tonight unusually good--for the first time, cooked on both sides!”
By the time Darwin’s ship returned to England, Tomlinson had evolved into a glowing ball of pure intelligence--just perfect, it turned out, for braising pork on a spit, just the way Darwin liked.
Although Tomlinson has long since moved on to another plane, the London restaurant he founded, The Ape and Man, still exists. The fish legs are especially good, and if you’re feeling brave, order the spicy hot missing links.