The Louis of France and How to Tell Them Apart
Louis X
The first of all the Louis, despite his moniker “the Tenth.”
In the days before Roman numerals were commonly understood, he was frequently referred to as Louis the Xth. Louis is given credit for joining the feuding city-states of Medieval France into a profitable chain of roadside convenience stops, and also for enlarging the number of things French people could refer to, by creating the masculine article, le.
Louis X sired two sons, Louis XI and Louis XI.5, who, in a terrible incident indicative of the education levels of the time, mistook the name cards at the table for the menus; they ordered each other and had completely devoured themselves before anyone realized the “gaffe.”
Louis XII
Known affectionately as Louis the Twelfth, except in French, of course. Louis as a boy already adopted a regal bearing. But he was forced to return it to the woodlands when it became listless in captivity and refused to eat. Always posterity-minded, Louis had built several sets of ruins to trick future historians. He is best remembered today for just treatment of the peasants (Ray and Clara Peasant, his brother and sister-in-law), curbing the excesses of the nobles (Clark and Langston Noble, proprietors of “Friendly Pawn”), and the twenty-six pound wide-mouth bass he caught at Lake Pomme de Terre in April, 1166.
Louis XIII
King of France, although not a Frenchman. He was in fact an Englishman with a penchant for croissants, and just got carried away. Louis was a good and wise king, much loved by his adoptive people, yet some aspects of the monarchy eluded him, partly due to the fact that he never learned the French language. As a boy, the term dauphin referring to the current King’s brother (and heir to the throne), was mistaken by the young Louis as dolphin, and he spent several formative years trying to find a surgeon who would implant a blowhole and a dorsal fin. No easy task considering the level of medical knowledge of the time!
Louis XIV
The famous “Sun King.” Louis began wielding supreme executive power at the tender age of twelve, which caused many of the French to confuse him with “Louis the Twelfth,” except in French, of course. Young Louis was present when his father, Louis XIII, had a sudden attack of some sort and stopped breathing. The boy attempted artificial blowhole to blowhole resuscitation, but it was too late. Well-respected by history for the transaction known to the French as The Louisiana Sale.
Louis Armstrong
Best known for ending France’s bloody war with Spain, bringing to an end the corrupt power of Cardinal Richlieu, saving the flagging economy of the nation, and the trumpet breaks on Back o’ Town Blues. Married Marie Antoinette after Louis XV, and, unfortunately, after she had been beheaded. Lost popularity when it was revealed that Bunny Berrigan had played trumpet on Back o’ Town Blues.
Louis XXIII
Just a guy. Not well known at all. Wears a crown, but who doesn’t these days? Holds court on Thursdays, but etiquette is noticeably lax.
The first of all the Louis, despite his moniker “the Tenth.”
In the days before Roman numerals were commonly understood, he was frequently referred to as Louis the Xth. Louis is given credit for joining the feuding city-states of Medieval France into a profitable chain of roadside convenience stops, and also for enlarging the number of things French people could refer to, by creating the masculine article, le.
Louis X sired two sons, Louis XI and Louis XI.5, who, in a terrible incident indicative of the education levels of the time, mistook the name cards at the table for the menus; they ordered each other and had completely devoured themselves before anyone realized the “gaffe.”
Known affectionately as Louis the Twelfth, except in French, of course. Louis as a boy already adopted a regal bearing. But he was forced to return it to the woodlands when it became listless in captivity and refused to eat. Always posterity-minded, Louis had built several sets of ruins to trick future historians. He is best remembered today for just treatment of the peasants (Ray and Clara Peasant, his brother and sister-in-law), curbing the excesses of the nobles (Clark and Langston Noble, proprietors of “Friendly Pawn”), and the twenty-six pound wide-mouth bass he caught at Lake Pomme de Terre in April, 1166.
Louis XIII
King of France, although not a Frenchman. He was in fact an Englishman with a penchant for croissants, and just got carried away. Louis was a good and wise king, much loved by his adoptive people, yet some aspects of the monarchy eluded him, partly due to the fact that he never learned the French language. As a boy, the term dauphin referring to the current King’s brother (and heir to the throne), was mistaken by the young Louis as dolphin, and he spent several formative years trying to find a surgeon who would implant a blowhole and a dorsal fin. No easy task considering the level of medical knowledge of the time!
The famous “Sun King.” Louis began wielding supreme executive power at the tender age of twelve, which caused many of the French to confuse him with “Louis the Twelfth,” except in French, of course. Young Louis was present when his father, Louis XIII, had a sudden attack of some sort and stopped breathing. The boy attempted artificial blowhole to blowhole resuscitation, but it was too late. Well-respected by history for the transaction known to the French as The Louisiana Sale.
Louis Armstrong
Best known for ending France’s bloody war with Spain, bringing to an end the corrupt power of Cardinal Richlieu, saving the flagging economy of the nation, and the trumpet breaks on Back o’ Town Blues. Married Marie Antoinette after Louis XV, and, unfortunately, after she had been beheaded. Lost popularity when it was revealed that Bunny Berrigan had played trumpet on Back o’ Town Blues.
Louis XXIII
Just a guy. Not well known at all. Wears a crown, but who doesn’t these days? Holds court on Thursdays, but etiquette is noticeably lax.